I imagine there’s a direct link between the number of ‘Adelaide jokes’ ‘jokes about Adelaide’google searches and the upcoming Festival of Arts, Adelaide Fringe Festival and Writers’ Week, and the subsequent arrival of various comedians, buskers, cabaret performers, writers and others in need of quick quips with which to get their audience on side.

I was thinking of leaving you-all a few tips and pointers, but then I realised that was just another reason not to be writing my own material, so I won’t. I did hear two very funny Adelaide jokes from Fringe visitors last year, but I’m not going to write them here, because I can’t rememebr who said one of them and because the other performer is coming back this year, and might be wanting to use her joke again (it was brilliant enough). So, one piece of general advice only: jokes about weird murders and so forth are okay, providing they are original – we have pretty much heard every variation over the years and they mostly haven’t been that hilarious. Feel free to email me if you want to fact-check anything such as whether the Harris Scarfe cafeteria is still open (in my opinion, a shadow of its former self) or whether the air-conditioning on the trams is working (barely) or whether there is any lawn left in our backyard due to water restrictions and recent introduction of beagle (no). Also, the Port Power footy team rocks the universe, and you can go on a dolphin cruise on the Port River for only $3.50. It’s awesome. If you don’t believe me, ask Pavlov’s Cat.

I really must stop there.