On Saturday night, I tanked. I was on stage under a spotlight, with a microphone in my hand AND I FORGOT WHAT I WAS GOING TO SAY. Which would have been fine, except that one minute later I DID IT AGAIN. Total, complete blank.
It worked out fine in the end. Because I made a different joke about how things weren’t going so well and that went okay.
And in the greater scheme of things it was the lesson I had to have, and once I’d had it, I realised it really wasn’t that bad. Everyone at some point is going to draw a blank. It was a friendly crowd, and they could see the funny side. And I’ve got enough confidence now that I’m not petrified of the audience. And I’ve also got a bit (a tiny, tiny bit) of backup material, so I could have gone to that if all else failed. Plus, now it’s happened, I’ve got a context for writing my ‘this has gone to shit, hasn’t it’ lines. So I was all around much less devastated than I could otherwise have been. And I got back to the funny part of my routine and ended on a high note. And I have, since, listened to my tape of the night. Yes, it was cringeworthy, but you know. Life goes on.
Nonetheless, I stopped at the bottle shop on the way home. I can’t tell you how badly that just went I said to the mister when I walked in the door, my arms loaded with a selection of beer and wine because I wasn’t sure exactly what I wanted to drink. Oh, he said I think I can guess. And then I drank more than I should have when you consider that we had to get up at 6 am to be on the road by 7 in order to be at Loxton by 11. And don’t you wish you knew more about that little adventure? And don’t I wish I knew less. Suffice to say, I am an excellent wife.
Anyhoo, after I had drunk too much and was in the bathroom cleaning my teeth, I happened to see this box. The one holding the soap which I had hastily pulled from the supermarket shelves that very afternoon. This is not the soap I normally use. I normally use this body wash thing which, for reasons too boring but numerous to mention here, had run out but not been replaced on Saturday morning.
Do you see what it says? Down there on the bottom? Non-Comedogenic. Have you ever heard of that? No, neither had I.
No wonder I tanked. All my jokes had been washed down the drain.
PS I tried taking a photo of my box, but my camera has been dropped one too many times and the focus button really doesn’t work well enough. So I got this one from here.