Sorry I can’t stop and chat, but I’m busy putting things in and out of that cubey thing we just bought at the Great Big Swedish Shoppe.

We went out there on Thursday after school. The lads get a bit scared going to the Great Big Swedish Shoppe with me. Round these parts, we use the Great Big Swedish Shoppe as a threat in the way that parents of the seventies used the Wooden Spoon, as in ‘Youse kids don’t stop that, I’ll make you come to the Great Big Swedish Shoppe with me.’ I would say that I always cry when I go to the Great Big Swedish Shoppe, but I did not cry on Thursday night, so I have have to change that always to usually.

It’s going to revolutionise my life that cubey Swedish thing is. I’m gonna get all of the shoes and the bags and the bathers and the whatever this green thing with the three wheels is all into this cubey Swedish thing and then life will be so streamlined, so organised, so calm, that the creativity can’t help but flow in a way that taps into the zeitgeist, makes everyone sit up and say, ‘That’s what I’m talking ’bout’ and then the next thing you know I am the keynote speaker at tEdX*.

This cubey Swedish thing, with its dinky dividers, its dinky drawers, its dinky cubby holes, it’s gonna change my life. The same way those red drawers did. Those white boxes. The packet of markers the colours of which perfectly matched those post-it notes. That yellow egg timer. The orange egg timer. The rescue time software. Scrivener.

Greatness. The only thing between me and it and is this allen key.

*what is this tedx thing actually, and where do the capitals go?