Have just been on school excursion to the zoo. STOP.

In charge of small group (four children, five if count own youngest child). STOP.

No, really. I mean it. STOP please STOP waving your hat around while you lean into the otters cage STOP squealing in the nocturnal house STOP trying to communicate with the siamangs please STOP.

Please?

If you need me, I’ll be on the lounge. You can get your own tea. Can’t you?