I was re-reading my post on happiness, and as I was reading, it occurred to me that I have never been unhappy before.
Not like this. Not the way I am now.
I have had times of sadness and grief. I have been dissatisfied, unsatisfied, I have yearned. I’ve been stressed, I’ve been lonely, I’ve been scared. But I have never been unhappy. There is not a period in my life that I look back on and think, ‘Those were unhappy times’.
From which line of thinking, I have thought two thinks:
one, I’m bloody lucky;
two, I’m extraordinarily stupid if I don’t do something about the situation I currently find myself in. Why would anyone be unhappy if they didn’t need to be? And I don’t need to be – I am not a woman of unlimited means, but I certainly have middle class choices.
So then I made some decisions – some of which were simple, some of which were hard, some of which are selfish, some of which are selfless – and I feel much better now.