I’ve been trying to pretend it isn’t happening for about two weeks, but today I could stand it no longer, and have taken a puff from my inhaler.

And I can breathe. A proper breath.

I have a very tense relationship with this condition. Every couple of years, I go to a doctor, and she (I always go to a woman these days) diagnoses me with asthma and writes a prescription for an inhaler, and I fill the prescription, use it twice and then let it sit on top of the fridge until it expires (expires – geddit?). Why would you do that? I don’t know. I just feel really uneasy about the diagnosis, and don’t like pumping shit into my body.

Now, the thing is, that last year, the doctor I went to did a pretty thorough analysis of things, even getting me sent off for an MRI of my brain. I was feeling very, very dizzy for about four months, which is probably because I don’t get enough oxygen. But she was good and thorough.

Even though I knew there was nothing wrong with my brain, or any of the other things we checked, there’s nothing quite like those square-panelled ceilings with all those little holes which you count while you’re waiting for the radiologist to return, to make you think yeah, but…what if? Is there?

Anyway, that’s an aside, because I tell you there’s nothing in my body not supposed to be there. Nothing sinister and that lump at the base of my neck has gone again now. And so has the other one.

So I dunno. Maybe it is asthma.

I’m going back to the doctor in a couple of days. And she’ll say how are you and I’ll burst into tears because I always do even when there’s nothing really wrong. And that gives me the shits. And my little boy – I’ll have to take him – will say can I have a balloon. And I think I’ve told you, I hate balloons. But I’ll let him have one, because otherwise he’ll chuck the shits, and yes, I know, the key to good parenting is consistency, but there you go. And then I’ll go and fill the prescription for the inhaler, because I’m a bit worried about using last year’s. Even though it seems to have worked.

I’ve got an appointment with my acupuncturist booked.

Anyway, enough about me. How are you?