‘No, sorry, it isn’t worth fixing this camera you’ve only had for three years…anything to do with the batteries and it’s a whole new motherboard…nah, it’s not even worth sending it away…we don’t sell these anymore…pity your warranty has expired…let me show you this new one it’s got face recognition, it’s really cool…’

Avert eyes from all ridiculously appealing consumer goods including televisions you don’t need binoculars to see and dvd players which would mean you could start watching movies again.

Trudge, trudge, trudge, mutter, mutter, mutter…yes, we’re going home now, please don’t jump on the loungeno daddy does not let you bounce on the lounges in shops…nor does your granny…please don’t yell at me.

Standing in the doorway, checking everything is back in bag after accidental spill.

Overheard: ‘yeah, look, mate, can’t stop now, get your missus to give mine a ring…yeah, look, I’d better leave it with you, you know what my missus is like it’ll never get done’.

Get in the car. Leave the car park without running anyone down.